Broken

Nobody...is infallible.

Hello, dear readers. I hope you have been fine and doing well? Before you begin, I want to say thank you for reading Spur of the Moment. I mean it, sincerely. I also want to inform you that this letter started out as a book review. I swear I only wanted to write a review like I'd promised the author I would, but I kept on writing and somehow, we're here. In any case, I hope you enjoy this.

I'd like to begin by saying that my journey to discovering both Fatima Bala and Broken was totally serendipitous, which reinforces one of my absolute favourite paradoxes: that some of the best things in life are found when you're not really looking.

Shout out to my sister girl, Tope, for making sure that I have this book❤️

You could have asked me three weeks ago about either the book or the author and I'd have had absolutely no idea what you were talking about. But on one fine day, some two weeks ago, I stumbled upon a collaborative post with Fatima Bala on Masobe's Instagram page which led me to her page and after seeing the reviews on Broken, I just had to read it. I'm normally wary of reviews (especially by Nigerians. Sorry not sorry) and tend to take them with a grain of salt, but I wanted something new that would provide a window into the lifestyle of some of the people that I've always been curious about: Arewa people.

I've lived about 97.5% of my life in the South Western part of Nigeria and the only chance I've had to get an actual glimpse into their lives - not what the media reports, not the hearsay from people don't even know what they're talking about - was when I went to law school in Abuja. I met really lovely folks and even kept a few of them as my friends, but the time we spent together was still too short to satisfy my curiosity about them.

Fun fact: I find cultures interesting and I always want to know more about people from places and cultures different from mine. It's why I'd never be able to wrap my head around tribalism and racism, because I think that difference amongst us humans is a thing of beauty and it just makes life all the more colourful and interesting. In fact, any one who is close to me can tell you how much I love and gush about intermarriages and mixed babies (whether it's racial or tribal) and how excited I get when I meet people from other places. Oh, how I have digressed.

Moving on, I eventually got my copy and I can't remember the last time I was so excited to start a book and after finishing the book, I'm glad that my feelings of excitement weren't a waste!

***

Fa'iza starts out as you would expect a Muslim girl from her kind of background to - proper, modest and just a little naive and although she retains her modesty (at least, in public) for most of the book, she loses her naïveté and some of her propriety to the irresistible and uncontrollable force of attraction that pulls her mercilessly to Ahmad, whom I'd just say is nowhere near naive or proper. It's the first time she has ever been attracted to a guy and it doesn't help that she's far away from home by herself for the first time (I wonder if being at home would have made any difference). Slowly but surely, she finds herself falling into temptation and despite the warning bells that ring haram! in her head (and my own screams of 'Fa'iza, what are you doing? Stop it! Nooo!'), she moves from one tiny thing to another, taking one step forward and two steps back and crossing lines that her mind knows should never be crossed but that her heart and her body already raced past.

Crazy thing is that as much as I was screaming, I was also falling for Ahmad. Ahmad is... such a man. Oh, to be loved like that (in a Halal way, of course 🤭).

And this is one of the things that makes the book and the characters (even Afreen and her thingy with Zafar) so real for me: the fact that nobody, not even the best of us, is infallible. In the right circumstances, any one of us can fall into temptation - make Dua against temptations, people!

One improper touch led to another and then another, until Fa'iza, who thought she was in control of herself suddenly was no longer in control of anything. And the more control she lost, the more comfortable she got and the less guilty she felt. Despite all that, she still knew that even though it all felt so right, it was so very wrong and she did try to not fall.

Truly, I give her credit for trying - her listening to the muftis online, her praying, her fasting (lots and lots of fasting had me howling, ngl, because what kind of unseriousness was that? 😂. Dey play, my fans), and even her pathetic attempt at 'staying away' from the object of her desires.

The battle between her heart and mind was all too familiar to me; maybe that's why I empathised with her so much as opposed to driving down the sanctimonious highway. I know that she definitely got judged by many readers, but really, nobody is infallible.

And just when she thought all their problems were about to come to an end, something that no one could have forseen tore them apart. Whether you call it a punishment from Allah or a way to bring Fa'iza and Ahmad back to Him, they paid for their sins in the most painful way. Ah, my heart broke for them. And only in the midst of their agony were they able to truly repent and return to their Lord.

Broken does a good job of providing a window into the lives of the elite northerners - the imagery was indeed 'imaging' and I especially love how the author drew the lines between religion and culture, lines which are often blurred by non-Muslims and that cause the distasteful and avoidable misconceptions about Islam. I also love how she subtly educates her readers about Islam without being too in-your-face (unlike the Kopiko and Nespresso PPLs in kdramas 🌚); she also does a brilliant job of portraying how girls are held to much higher and stricter standards than boys even though we're meant to follow the same sets of rules. I also loved how the bonds of friendship were maintained and sustained - not only was it instrumental in reaching a resolution but it also subtly highlighted how important it is to have people to call your own -you cannot do life alone, folks. You really need someone to be there; to be an anchor when you need to be held down and the wind beneath your wings when you need to fly! As you might have guessed, love was a constant in this book.

But perhaps, what I love the most about Broken - and trust me, I love many things about the book (as you can probably tell by now)- is the redemption arc, that you're never too far gone into sin for you to be redeemed and that God will accept your repentance and relieve you of your shame and guilt so long as you repent sincerely.

Many sweet things that had me blushing were said but none of those things holds a torch to this one: "Well, Allah is At-Tawwab, the acceptor of repentance. Do you believe that?"

I've known the meaning of that name for the longest time now, but I think that the moment that I understood it the most was when I read it in that sentence and it brought tears to my eyes for whatever reason. Needless to say, it's my favourite sentence from Broken.

There's a lot of feelings to be felt and lessons to be learnt, but I'll share the one that is the most important for me.

When Allah tells us not to do something - and He doesn't even tell us not to commit Zina*, His instruction is to not even go near it - we should abstain from it as best as we can because whether we know it or not, it's always in our best interests: But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not...(Quran 2:216)

Who knows us better than Al Aleem? And whose love for us surpasses that of Al Wadud?

He knows and loves us the most, so He is aware we are not perfect and that we are wont to trangress, which is why is also Al Ghaffar and Al Ghafoor and Al Afuww. So if you ever find yourself in any variant of the position that Broken's main characters found themselves, deep in sin and burdened by guilt and shame, do not hesitate to turn back to your Lord. He will relieve you of your burdens and grant you even better than you desire.

To living and loving without ever losing consciousness of God 🥂,

🦋.

Surely, you're not still expecting a recommendation at this point. Or are you?🤔 😂

Okay, in case you are, make Broken your next read, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.